Alchemic Experiment 1 Aim: To kill to Lord Voldy
by Sutoriitoenzeru-Street Angel
Summary: Apparatus: Lord Voldemort and characters weapons of choice, Method: Voldemort is attacking Hogwarts…Oh no, what’ll we do? Well technically we’re not going to do anything but the many characters of Harry Potter are each going to take stab at defeating Lord


Alchemic Experiment #1

Aim: To kill to Lord Voldemort

Apparatus: Lord Voldemort and characters weapons of choice

Method: Voldemort is attacking Hogwarts…Oh no, what'll we do? Well technically we're not going to do anything but the many characters of Harry Potter are each going to take stab at defeating Lord Voldemort.

Result 1: Harry Potter

"I am the Dark Lord, you cannot defe-"

Harry hits Voldemort over the head with a crowbar.

"Ouch," Voldemort falls to the ground…dead.

Ron walks up to Harry, "Where did you get that crowbar from?"

"I transfigured Hermione."

"But it's bent now," Ron pointed out.

"Oh dear," said Harry while muttering the counter spell.

Hermione appeared her body bent at a 90-degree angle to the left. She was immediately rushed off to the hospital wing to be made straight.

-2 weeks later-

Madame Pomfrey is speaking to Harry and Ron, "I'm afraid we couldn't make Hermione straight," she said gravely.

"You mean-" Ron trailed off with tears in his eyes.

"Yes," the Madame replied, "she's still chasing after the girls."

Result 2 : Ron Weasley

"Arvada Kedavra," Voldemort cried.

"Noooooooooooo," yelled Ron valiantly, while pushing Harry out of the way.

"Noooooooooooo," cried Lord Voldemort, "Red hair my only weakness."

Ron was standing valiantly, fixing his eyes on Lord Voldemort.

Voldemort watched the flaming red hair of the valiant hero…Ron Weasley…as it swished and swayed in the Loriel Advert.

"I shall never surrender!" Ron cried as Voldemort burst into flames. Ron blinked…Voldemort was dead.

Harry blinked, "Wow, I figured Hermione's steel brush hair would do it."

"Hey!"

"Look in a mirror Hermione," Ron said, "you're not glamorous enough for Harry and I anymore, be gone wench!"

Result 3 : Hermione Granger

Hermione watched as Harry prepared to face off against Voldemort when suddenly, in the middle of the Dark Lord's pre-murder rant Harry turned and transfigured her into a crowbar. As such she was brought down upon the head of Voldemort and so killed him, as well as being bent at a 90-degree angle to the left and never being straight again.

Result 4 : Sirius Black

While Harry distracted Voldemort by moaning on about teenage problems and throwing Dumbledore's silverware about Sirius stepped into the fray. Already in dog form he charged at Voldemort, as he grew neared an ache appeared just below his furry stomach. Surely this was Voldemort's dark power at work. Snuffles was only inches away, centimetres, millimetres.

Sirius lifted a leg, and while Voldemort was still ogling his godson, and emptied his doggy bladder.

Voldemort looked down and cried, "I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING!" while fading into an acid green puddle on the floor tinged so by a certain vibrant yellow.

Harry walked up to Snuffles and patted him on the head, "Good dog."

Sirius transformed back from where he was standing next to Ron, "Harry, I'm over here!"

Harry looked at his godfather and then at the dog he was stroking. He gulped. Then he was mobbed by Snuffles fan girls.

Result 5 : Albus Dumbledore

Voldemort had penetrated Hogwarts and tied Dumbledore to some pillars that had appeared on top of the astronomy tour like Quasimodo was chained by Frodo in Disney's the Hunchback of Notre Dame…that's where Voldemort got all his good ideas. Voldemort had turned his back in classic villain form to leave his victim stranded. Seeing his chance Dumbledore unleashed his secret weapon. THE SILVERY BEARD THAT NEEDED TO BE SHEARED…because quite frankly, that think could hurt someone…

It did in fact, it rose up from the ground the muppet's spaghetti (it strangled the cook for those of you who aren't all worldly) to strangle Voldemort.

Result 6 : Dobby the House Elf

While Voldemort was cleverly distracted by the rantings of love from Harry who had just come out of the closet…he actually jumped but we don't know where the closet came from so we won't ask. But any, Dobby, our future hero came up to Voldemort's side because attacking from the front is too obvious and even though he is the villain Dobby wouldn't go so low as to stab him in the back…he's low enough already. Anyway, he stabbed Voldemort with a butter knife…yes that's right…stabbed…well, we did warn you in the summary, it's not our fault you didn't listen.

As you can see we have published this online, unfortunately, you weren't the only one to find it…Voldemort found it too. With all these premonitions of the future there was only one thing he could do…surrender.


End file.
